San Francisco: Take The Good With The Bad, Folks.

If you’re gooooooooooooooooooinggggg to San Fraaaaancisco, then be sure to wear some flowers in your hair.

And by flowers, I of course am referring to the red poppy flower, of which around the world symbolizes war and remembering fallen soldiers. And by that, I mean buckle up because there’s a lot of diarrhea in the golden streets of San Fran, baby!

I went to San Francisco to do stand up from Thursday, Sept. 7 to Monday, Sept. 11. It made me quite nervous flying back on that day. But it was an amazing experience where I had the opportunity to perform at the Orinda Theater, and The Marin Civic Center in San Rafael, CA.

The shows were fantastic, and the crowds in San Francisco were pretty cool. Then again, to still be living there, you have to have some sick sense of humor right?

Don’t get me wrong, I live in the dirtiest, sketchiest, most overpopulated and overly-dense ramshackle capital of the world known as New York City, so I certainly have no leg to stand on. Because it is in green slime. (Because we’re gross.)

That being said, I must say that San Francisco did feel like it was another level. In NYC, you have the classic “bum”, type, you know? The mad men era disheveled man who is asleep outside the train station.

I see people everyday who I think “hmph. that guy might be dead.” That is not the case in San Francisco. No. They are ALIVE.

In NYC, the city has abandoned the homeless people, and now they fit into the grayscale background that is most of midtown Manhattan. In San Francisco, the city has also abandoned the homeless people, but instead of fading away, they’ve decided to fight back.

Everywhere you go, someone is yelling at someone, or having explosive diarrhea against someone’s garage door. Explosive. Like a shotgun blast. Like a buckshot BAM right on the house that looks like the on from Full House. It was certainly full now.

Anyway, the city really is beautiful. It’s dense like a city, but it has lots of rolling hills and you can walk down the hill and let it carry you all the way. It’s intoxicating to follow the cable car railways and watch the cars make their way up the hill. Somehow they do everytime. The Bay Area weather is perfect for a sweaty italian like myself. I was not sweaty once. The breeze came in so nice and it just felt refreshing. I sat in Union Square and took it all in - someone was serendating us with music. It was nice.

Then a guy pushing a cart started yelling. It was funny. For me. Not for the guy with the big string instrument.

It feels like we’re at the point where we just have to accept it, because I feel like nobody really cares. I don’t. I kind of do, but in reality it’s like, ah whatever. Who am I to try and fix it right? I’m an asshole. I literally just walk around like la la deee daaa.

It was really fun and I can’t wait to get back to it. I miss it already. But every time I go to the West Coast, It makes me like the East Coast more. Because the East Coast just makes sense. How can you be somewhere that is always three hours behind? I mean jesus. What are you supposed to do? We’re so far ahead. LET”S GO. It’s 2am right now in NYC, and that means that I’m in the future and people in Los Angeles right now are thinking, “ugh, I wish it was Friday. It’s still Thursday. This sucks that its 11:00pm PST here, and its Thursday. I wonder what Friday will bring.” I’m not going to tell them. But if I wanted, i could text someone in LA and tell them the future. If there’s a football game, I’d be down to split the profits and I can call and give you the winning numbers.

Anyway, San Fran was really cool. But also has a lot of action. But, so does NY, right? And, so does everyplace ever. Whatever. Life is crazy! It did feel like a checklist though with the homeless issues. That diarrhea, it really was quite explosive. I can’t sleep at night anymore. I close my eyes and see that man’s 12-gauge waste hit the walls.

Amazing food though, and the people there are really nice. It was a fun time. I would recommend that everyone check it out, but just be prepared. More mentally than anything. There’s tent cities, for real. I thought NYC was crazy.

I’m very grateful for the spots and want to shoutout Shane and Jon Fox, a father-son duo who put on awesome shows, invited me out, got me dinner each night, and helped me get to a lot of different parts of the Bay Area and check it out. Really good dudes, and I hope I can make it up to them at somepoint in the future. Because of them, I was able to do my first theater. It’s really crazy to think about. I had the opportunity to go up in front of over 400 people two nights in a row, and also check out the Bay Area while doing it.

I’m feeling very grateful right now. I’m confused because I’m trying to think of what to do next and how I can use this to tell people how radical I am and then beg them to book me. But I think tonight I’m just going to enjoy the feeling. I’m going to enjoy that it was fun and good. It doesn’t always have to be some lesson. It can just be nice and pleasant. I’m choosing that tonight. I’m taking the good, and leaving the bad.

If you ever read this, thanks Shane and Jon. You gave me a chance and I hope you both enjoyed it.

San Francisco was pretty cool.